Well this got me thinking. What happens to the child stars of today when they reach the magical age of 18? What happens to the poor, poor, exceedingly rich children once hollywood realises they have no talent?
Allow me to take you back to 1999. As the world prepares for the millenium celebrations, the Backstreet Boys stop playing with each other's todgers long enough to make an album, Dr. Dre forgets what year it is and releases "2001", and Brits were still busy complaining about Thatcher, the world was treated to the marvellously shite acting of one Jake Lloyd, who played Darth Vader in George Lucas's film equivalent of wiping your arse with the Shroud of Turin, The Phantom Menace.
Many of you will remember this film for the character of Jar-Jar Binks, an instantly lovable and deep character in that you would love to deep throat him with a fucking spear. My "love" of this character would likely fill an article all on its own so i would rather express my anger of him thusly and get it out of the way.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Anyway, shithouse "Annie" is not necessarily a bad actor, but the script he was provided with was so thin and watered down it could be sold to a homeotherapist to cure alzheimers.
Unfortunately, the excuse of a bad script was not able to save his now forever horseshit-typecast career and he has since given up acting completely. He stopped attending conventions a few years ago as well; part of his retirement was allegedly down to the bullying he received from classmates who objected to his wanky performance, and the rest was down to the ridiculous number of interviews he was being asked to attend.
Jake isn't alone in this either. Let's go through a list of the more recent additions to the list of child stars gone wild:
Michael Jackson - Topped the charts at 11 years old, later accused of child molestation. Whether you think he did or didn't, no one can deny that this guy turned from child star to melanin-deficient wacko-jacko fuck nugget in a series of unfortunate events that would make Lemony lick his own Snicket.
Macaulay Culkin - from star of Home Alone to possible smack addict. He was arrested with so much Heroin on his person that Courtney Love was quoted as saying "he will have a rather nice night".
Lindsay Lohan - She's in and out of rehab more often than Tiger Woods's dick in a nightclub manager. Made famous with a double-role in Parent Trap and stayed famous thanks to... well... fucked if i know...
Britney Spears - This one even has her own defense attorney on YouTube; she's possibly the only one I have some semblance of sympathy for. Unfortunately, drug abuse, multiple failed marriages and (somehow) millions of dollars of debt, she deserves to sit on the throne of fuck ups.
Today, child stars are a commodity, and are treated as such. Every year, another 20-something actor or actress dies thanks to a bad lifestyle brought on by the stress of the business, and another few come in to take their place.
This isn't a new thing at all; the cycle of fame, drug abuse, alcoholism, arrests, DUIs, Assaults, Suicides... it's been going on for years.
Shirley Temple, Deanna Durbin, Ann Rutherford, Mickey Rooney, Margaret O'Brien, Hayley Mills.... these are all names of actors from the 50's glory days who turned to drugs, weekly abortions, alcoholism and... actually, what? Oh, all of them went on to field outstanding careers in other movies and lived long and happy lives?
Oh. Okay then... well, there's always Judy Garland.
