This is something I've been meaning to write for a while and, after recent events, it seems like a good time for it.
"The real problem with the "not all men" argument is that it stems from an inherent ignorance into what the phrase actually means in context of a discussion. It carries no weight as a statement on it's own, because it is simply not true. This may take a while, so bear with me...
Women are brought up to think that their appearance is everything, and that society will expect them to conform to a strict code of conduct in order to fit in with the group. All female products are marketed with appearance in mind; from makeup and jewelry, bras to make your tits bigger, pills to make you shit, shoes to make you taller, tablets to help you lose weight, even headache remedies... it's all tailored to make women think that the secret to happiness is in inanimate objects. It is a world where the woman is taught to shrink, and fill the resulting space with things to make her look and feel better. The woman becomes smaller so her world can become bigger; a world where your eating habits are now a fashion item, and your appearance is a window on to your mental health. Nothing is ever good enough because you cannot have possibly bought everything you need to truly be a "real" woman.
Men's products are different. The marketing of male products is more simplistic but carries an equally damaging message. It all appeals to the child inside us, the little boy that gets what he wants; words like "fusion", "power", "turbo"... they're all buzzwords for "traditional" masculinity... because that's what we want to strive to be, right? The alpha. The number one. The man that other men want to be, and women want to be with.
They appeal to our libido, constantly reminding us that we need to buy more of the latest products in order to get the latest girls; like tasters on a supermarket counter, or items in a catalogue. It's an ideal that breeds men who get what they want because they ask for it. They don't ask nicely, they don't ask twice... hell, they don't even have to ask. We're brought up to think that we need no justification for the things we receive because we were born male, and men should get everything.
And this is problem... can you see it?
Women are taught to be jealous and spiteful of other women, because they can never be as beautiful as the boxes of cosmetics, drugs and shoes tell them. They can never be as beautiful as other women believe they can be. They cannot live up to the unfair expectation the world sets for them, because there is no way of achieving it - it is set deliberately high. They either hate themselves, hate other women, or both.
Men? Well, when we inevitably find out that spraying yourself, dressing yourself, and treating yourself lead absolutely nowhere and garner you nothing, who do you blame? Can you blame yourself?
Of course not, you blame the real reason you don't get what you want. You blame the people that don't give you what you want. Like a small boy being told to brush his teeth, you're a grown man targeting women who don't spur your advances. But why? Were you not told that you could get anything you wanted by shouting loud enough? What went wrong?
After being taught your entire life that you can get anything you want, you are met with a woman who rejects you. This isn't the way it was supposed to be! You deserve it; you're a man! In truth, you've barely grown up since you were being toilet trained; marketing designed to keep the child inside alive has made sure of that.
So you can see, women end up hating women, and men end up hating women. You can't blame the media, they are profiting greatly from our stupidity. We buy their products because we believe what we read in the news, on the boxes and packaging... we do as we are told. You can't really blame your upbringing either, your parents are part of the same system. They're only doing what they're told.
And this is the real problem we face. As you can see, it isn't all men at all; it's all. All people. Everyone.
Whether it be misogyny from men, or internalised misogyny from other women, the world seems to fall back on women in the end.
You can use the excuse of "not all men" all you like, but you're still part of the same system that has brought us to this point. You, your parents, your friends and your family are all part of a system which is generally content to ignore injustice. The fact is, regardless of gender, not speaking out about misogyny when it occurs is just as bad as ignoring any other form of prejudice. You don't have to actively hate women to take part, you need only stay silent.
We see it in the genital mutilation in Africa, the sexual censorship in Japan, Sharia Law in Saudi Arabia, the teen beauty pageants, anorexic models and Christian hate groups in America, and we see it here in the tabloid press who throw aside pressing news to make room for more news about the latest celebrity diets and bad clothing choices.
THIS is the problem, THIS is what we fight against, and THIS is why we will always respond with "Yes, all men". The reason? Because every person who decides to derail the conversation from a topic as important as this just so they can take control is merely providing another reason for feminism to exist in the first place. Of course it isn't "all men". It's all men, all women, all people."
