This article annoyed me in a lot of ways and I thought it was only fair I give it my customary going over:
http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-things-women-do-to-emasculate-men.html
Take a moment to read it through and take in everything that is being said.
If you woke up with a dick this morning, you probably laughed at most of this. If you don't have a dick, you're probably a little insulted by most of this. Let's analyse both sides and see which one is a valid response (hint: look at the title)
"women will forever have the upper hand in the psychological stakes because, over time, they’ve developed and refined numerous tactics to hit men where it hurts most -- the ego."
Well, lets kick it off with this piece of "knowledge".
Okay, granted this point does hold a little weight; women have indeed developed certain tactics that they can use to hit men where it hurts... but men have developed the same skills. Every "playa" out there has used their tactics to get women into bed, every cheater has lied about his escapades, every guy who's into anal has pretended to slip it in the wrong hole (THAT'S A VALID TACTIC.)
I don't get the issue with men and their supposed Ego problems, possibly because I'm not an overly macho blokey bloke. I have an Ego and it is gigantic, but it's like my faith; untouchable by anyone else because it is mine and I am fantastic.
If you meet a man with an ego like mine, you can pretty much say what you like about me; it won't make me feel any different, I'll just think you're a cunt and then carry on being awesome.
So that's the intro out of the way, let's get down to analyzing each point one by one to outline why the author is a Bell.
10 - Making a Point
"Most of the time, the actions and comments of a woman are delivered with good intentions, designed to help us become better men.
Nevertheless, while they believe they’re sharing their pearls of wisdom for our betterment, some struggle to understand that phrases like, “You desperately need a haircut,” “There is no way you’re still a medium,” and “Didn’t I just buy you deodorant?” are best left behind closed doors; not at the dinner table – with your parents – at Christmas."
What shitty romantic comedy was this guy watching when he wrote this bit?
I'll just quickly give my own response to these remarks:
“You desperately need a haircut” - No I don't. My head will be cold.
“There is no way you’re still a medium,” - Fuck you, i wouldn't call you fat.
“Didn’t I just buy you deodorant?” - Yes, and i used it to set fire to things, it's what men do.
Its nice to know that women have nothing better to do at the Christmas table than complain entirely about your appearance. I don't buy this for one minute. If your girlfriend speaks to you like that, she's either worried about your health (you fat fuck) or she's just nagging you for the sake of it. Either way, its not emasculation, she's just being an annoying shit.
9 - Offering Up Their Car
"For whatever reason, your regular ride is at the garage and your lovely lady tosses you her keys with an angelic smile and says, “Just take my car.”
On the surface this may seem like a kind gesture, but what she knows (and you don’t) is that as you cruise along the high street in her electric blue Renault Clio (complete with fluffy pink seat covers) there is no chance any woman will look twice. "
Okay, glossing over the obviously moronic gender stereotype of fluffy pink seat covers (which are vile regardless of gender), why would a man in a relationship be interested in being looked at by other women? Why should it be a problem that women won't "look twice"?
This is the kind of moronic bullshit written by a man who isn't comfortable in his own sexuality to the point that he needs to be ogled by at least 5 women a day to feel like he's getting somewhere in life. Oh, is that an unfair assumption? So are pink fucking seat covers.
Taking a moment out of my typical feminist stance here for a moment, how many men out there feel so emasculated by their girlfriend that they spend any time at all wondering how attractive they are to other women? Here's a tip, if you feel emasculated by your girlfriend/wife, talk to her and tell her how you feel. Feminism doesn't diminish a man's rights to be upset if he doesn't feel worthy of being a boyfriend.
8 - Faking It
"Every man, no matter how modest, likes to feel as if he is a modern-day Don Juan. And nothing brings that castle of confidence crashing down faster than three dreaded words: “I faked it.”
The motivations for her raising this humiliating issue are often varied, but one thing is for sure -- if any criticism can make a grown man want to build a tree fort and hide away, it’s that! If you can’t beat them, join them. Next time, why not fake remembering her birthday. "
The only time i can imagine any woman telling her boyfriend she faked it is if the boyfriend did something really fucking bad (shame on you, bastard).
Imagine for a moment that you're being tossed off by your girlfriend and it feels like she's about to snap your banjo... you'd say something right? How about if you knew you'd be waiting hours to finish if you didn't point her in the right direction? You'd say something yeah? No? Fuck you.
The point is, if she says "I faked it" in a "lets talk" kind of way, chances are she just wants to make the sex better for both of you. That's not emasculating, that's thoughtful. She's saying something because if you do it properly, you will know you've done it properly.
She's trying to rejuvenate your sex life so that you BOTH enjoy it. If all you can think at that point is "well i was enjoying it, why can't she just enjoy it", go and buy a box of Kleenex and move on, you selfish idiot.
Finally, comparing this to purposely neglecting your woman's birthday isn't even worthy of making fun out of. The amount of selfish, childish "I WANT" in this sentiment is humour enough.
7 - Fixing Things For You
"When you were just starting secondary, onlookers in the street probably smiled as your Dad tucked your shirt in before you bolted excitedly into the playground. That was then. This is now.
Watching a grown man have his tie straightened or pants hitched up in public is not just awkward for the fella in question, it’s out-and-out embarrassing for witnesses within a 50-metre radius. "
If you're a grown man who NEEDS to have his pants hitched up and tie straightened by his girlfriend, you're the one with the problem. You're a grown man who can't figure out a tie! You're a grown man who doesn't know how to put trousers on properly, you fucking sponge.
Also, if you were one of the onlookers watching from the 50 metre radius because you thought she was about to take my trousers off, i deeply apologise for wasting your time.
The title of this section actually has more worrying implications but as the author didn't mention them specifically, I'll let them slide (but you were thinking them weren't you, you misogynistic tit).
6 - Death By Shopping
"The husband/boyfriend “courtesy” seat can be found inside almost all female fashion boutiques. Whilst this spongy ottoman may appear conveniently placed, it’s really the human equivalent of a street pole where dogs are bound by their leash. Once directed to “just sit down”, you become like a guppy in a fishbowl. For the record, that stinging sensation is the eyes of every other female in the store, gawking at you, impressed with how well you’ve learned the “sit” command. "
Diddums.
You're actually required to do something that makes her happy for a change.
Fucking. Diddums.
You're not bound by a leash. If you hate it that fucking much, walk away. If you love her enough (and you fucking should), put up with it to make her happy; it's not all about you. Oh and no other woman in the room is impressed by how well you've learned to sit on command, they're gawking at you because you've got a look on your face like a 10 year old who's just been scolded for eating too many sweets. Sit down, shut the fuck up, and give your lady some time to enjoy herself.
This is one of the classic situations that never actually happens. If you've been shopping with your girlfriend once and behaved like a spoilt child, your girlfriend will likely choose to never go with you again. And she'd be right to do that, you fucking cock-jester.
5 - Handing Over The Purse
"Worryingly, this tactic is employed on a daily basis in shopping centres around the country. Preceded only by a swift, almost inaudible, “Hold this for me for just a second, babe,” the poor schmuck swivels around just in time to be greeted by a mini-suitcase being shoved into his midsection. Nothing shouts “muppet" more than a dude with a defeated look on his face and a Dior tucked under his arm."
Okay what the fuck, this is just convenience right? She's handing you some shit because she has too much shit to hold already. Are you so fucking insecure that you can't hold a piece of fucking leather for 5 seconds just to help your girlfriend? What is wrong with you?
This isn't a tactic. This is the author running out of other points to make. Douche-canoe.
4 - Touching Forbidden Goods
"It isn’t unusual for a man to want his girl and his mates to get along. After all, there’s no more legitimate stamp of approval than their rousing reception. However, if your better half begins flirting with one of your friends or even a stranger, as though she were his partner on Strictly Come Dancing, it might be time to take a long look at your relationship. Then, refocus your attention to where your best mate’s hands are situated."
Referring to your friends as "Forbidden goods" is a little worrying, as is the fact that this bit seems to refer to friends only. I'd have thought that anyone touching your girlfriend other than you (with her consent of course) would be inadmissible to most. If it's your best friend, he's obviously not your best friend.
I think this one just speaks for itself. If your girlfriend is banging another guy, try not to think of it as emasculating (which is kinda is)... try to err.... okay this one is kinda valid. Still, who does this guy have as a best friend?
Anyone else notice the irony of mentioning the words "emasculated" and "Strictly Come Dancing" in the same article? By his own logic, his penis must be minuscule.
3 - Going On The Attack
"Men frequently put their foot in their mouth. Fact. We regularly require words of constructive criticism. Possibly.
Being belittled in full view of our peers is a massive turn on. Try Again.
Nothing breaks a man’s spirit faster and more efficiently than having his better half storm in and unleash a tirade of verbal violence on him for forgetting to buy Diet Coke, while a group of his gobsmacked mates sit in silence, conflicted about whether to look remorseful or let out an almighty laugh. "
Diet Coke. Really?
Your girlfriend is shouting at you in public for not buying diet coke? She might need sectioning. That isn't emasculating, it's just stupid. Quietly remind her that she's making a scene and is probably embarrassing herself as much as you.
And of course you require constructive criticism when you've been a dick, you've done something wrong. Having a cock doesn't negate your ability to apologise when you fuck up.
But Diet Coke... what the fuck?
2 - Outrun, Outdrive, Outscore
"Call it sexist, bigoted and narrow-minded, but no man walking the earth likes to be beaten at any sport or video game -- particularly by a girl. All it takes is a loss in a drunken game of Streetfighter IV (and at the hands of Chun-Li) before you find yourself bumping into mutual friends as you shop for your trousers. With a dishevelled demeanour, staring at the floor you’ll declare, “What, these? Oh no, they’re for her.”
It’s never too early in a relationship to begin telling tall tales of dodgy knees or an injured thumb. Athletic war stories may be your only line of defence."
Yes. I will call it Sexist, bigoted and narrow-minded... it is. Are we still 10 year olds mocking girls for having lurgies? Women don't just have rights, they have abilities too. A lot of those abilities will sometimes outperform your own (I expect at least one "ping pong ball" reference in the comments section).
Case in point - Vicki Butler-Henderson. Most men will recognise her as one of the presenters from Fifth Gear. She's a woman and she can drive better than any of you sorry cunts. She's also somewhat of a sex icon among a lot of car-nuts who don't seem to give two shits that she can outdrive them. Actually, reading the comments section on her car reviews, most men seem to find her more attractive because she ISN'T just a talentless pair of tits - she's an incredibly gifted person.
I'll say this plainly. Watching my girlfriend play Spyro is a massive turn on. She is fantastic at it. She's actually better than me at pretty much every game going, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Knowing that your girlfriend shares your interests and can outperform you at certain tasks should only confirm the fact that you were made for each other. Quit being a whiny bitch and accept that women can outperform men at a lot of things besides sandwich making.
The final part, the reference to the woman "wearing the trousers" is actually a little stupid in the context of this article, which implies that women have already usurped the trousers from us poor mistreated men using their evil "tactics".
1 - Telling You To: "Be a Man"
It doesn’t matter if you’re a six-foot tall, volunteer fire-fighter who can bench-press a Toyota Prius; there is no bigger blow to the male ego than when a woman calls your manhood into question. The most terrifying factor: you never know when it’s coming.
Can’t open a jar? "Be a man!"
Are you trying to avoid confrontation? "Be a man!"
There is no more potent phrase in the female arsenal. Even the lovechild of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vinnie Jones would be taken down a peg."
After all that I've read in this heap of shit, I'm just going to finish with one point: Don't like being told to "Be a man" by your girlfriend? Well I'll say it differently...
QUIT BITCHING ABOUT ALL OF THE ABOVE AND BE A FUCKING MAN. IN FACT, FUCK IT, BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING.
Over and out,
J
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